mindfuck

'We fell down so many times, I think I'm tired of thinking everything will work out - well it finially all worked out - but its not the same. Everything has changed, although it won't appeat that way, and the future can't be worked out. No, it never has been worked out.'

I will wait forever for you if that's how long it takes.

jokes

http://www.formspring.me/reneeettles

This could end fairly grimout haha.

summerboy.

So, im sitting alone, in my best friends room while hes out, and yet i know hes not here but just being in here is comforting. I've been disgustingly grim to him the last 2 days due to psm-ing and other general dire situations and I feel terrible cause he's only ever nice to me. For example, he cancelled going out and doing something to be with me cause he knows I needed him. Note to self, show more appreciation.

Gone.

It's taken this to make me realise just how easily things slip through your fingers. One minuite you're here and the next you're gone. Sudden death syndrome I think they called it, or a heart attack, I dont think anyone really knows, i dont think it matters. More than anything else im feeling at the moment, im angry. Angry at myself for letting us drift appart, angry that I never put in enough effort to see you more often, especially as we used to talk all the time. I'm sorry for that and i know you cant read this, but, i am, i am sorry that i didn't see you more. It's disgusting how much im going to miss our pet names, and your sense of humour, and you. Just you.

Fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer, place your hand in mine, i'll leave when i wanna.

Shame

I thought i was over this, apparently not. It scares me how comforting it was staring into the toilet bowl again. It's just the sound that gets me, god i hate that sound, and the watery eyes and the need to brush my teeth like 200 times when im done.

Ive got more determination than i've ever had in my life. I will get what i want if it kills me.

Settings

Dont you dare tell me that nothing matters. Everything matters, every fucking drop of rain, every ray of sunlight, every whisp of cloud matters and they matter cause i can see them and if i can see them, they can see me, and i know theres an entire world out there that cares, hiding behind a world that doesnt, afraid to show who it really is and with or without you, i will drag that world out of the dirt and the blood and the muck until we live in it, until we all live in it.

Castles

And I want to play hide and seek, give you my clothes, tell you I love your shoes, sit on the steps when you take a bath and massage your neck, kiss your face and hold your hand and go for a walk and hug you when your anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when im next to you, and whimper when im not, melt when you smile, dissolve when you laugh and wander who you are but accept you anyway. I wander the city thinking but im empty without you, I want what you want and think im losing myself. But i'll tell you the worst of me, and try and give you the best of me, becasue you dont deserve any less. I'll answer your questions when i'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really dont want to and i'll try to be honest becasue I know you prefer it. So just hang on for just ten more minuites before you throw me out of your life, forget who i am, and try to let me get closer to you and somehow communicate some of the over-whelming, undying, over-powering, unconditional, all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind expanding, on-going, never ending, love i have for you..